When I was a kid, I used to sit upon the terrace of my house,
Look up to the stars in the night sky and get lost.
Star gazer they called me stargazer
What’s there to gaze? It’s just that the world behind you is so chaotic that you just want to get lost in that void.
Just be there in that sublimity
And it was boring as hell, so I needed to get back from that void to reality
Not to this chaotic world, but something much more beautiful, something to hold onto.
I fell in Love, correction
I fell in love with a very angry woman.
There was some sort of homely similarity among the stars I used to get lost in and an angry woman.
They shine, sparkle, they burn but they stay, no matter if the clouds blocks your view they stay, right there
Besides something someone, which I tried to search in that void, but never found.
My girlfriend was no different from those shining stars, and she used to burn too
And when she burned her cosmic energy would destroy things around me.
Like my plates, my glasses, my phone, my little batman figurines, my eyeball socket, my heart.
And as she turned back and left. Carried away by those dark clouds of jealousy, of patriarchy, of society and family.
I didn’t lose my shit.
Because hey, I’m a stargazer, I knew all the constellation by heart, I knew their tick, I knew their tack, I knew where they went when the sun came up.
And if this stupid earth took me around away from her, I knew it would come back to that same spot where I saw her the first time.
I remember how falling in love with her felt like;
Like waking up from one bad hangover to another.
You know the thing about bad hangovers right? The night before was always crazy.
She broke my bed too.
But she never came back,
I couldn’t find her, among those stars I used to walk around like my backyard.
She was gone.
May be because she believes the
Same stuff I believe in.
That our lives doesn’t end here.
Step back a billion light years
And see the larger picture
A grand art of supreme intellect
A broken universe glued up with golden galaxies, stars sparkling
There is a picture we are all missing
Blocked by our overwhelming sense of looking only here.
My dad once told me
We are only living a part of our lives here, in this planet.
That human essence ‘the soul’ transcends dimensions of all sort.
And once you complete your circle of 7 lives around this universe you will become one with the singularity, or god or whatever the hell your life taught it was.
So if I die here without my hands in the arms of my angry lover,
I will not wither; I’ll just float around in this vicious circle
My hands still stretching out for hers.
And I’ll start living in some other world, one after one, just like this one,
I wouldn’t know what my hands are stretched out for.
What they are searching for.
And when I look upon the people there, I will know, they all were born here longing for something, someone they almost had in their life before.
Always searching without knowing, what they are searching for.
I’ll see people diving the depths of oceans to find it,
People trying to go up into the skies to find their way back.
People working their asses off to gather enough paper pieces to buy what they long for,
People waging wars to get back to their eternal longings.
People sitting on their terrace and staring at the stars they once lived before.
Oh wait, am I already there.
Did I just see the person for whom I travelled this eternal universe for?
Living searching dying,
living searching dying
Just walk away from me, with these stargazing eyes.